A few weeks ago, I was at a wedding. Telling my fiancé that I felt bloated, fat, and gross. I wore a little black dress that was 10 years old. It was rather tight and to be frank, it was that time of the month. He told me I was ridiculous. He told me I “looked beautiful.”
Then … on the plane ride home … my pants split … like all the way. One. Big. Ol’ rip.
MAJOR eeek. My fears bubbled up…
OMG was my body really that much different than it used to be?
But as someone who at the core accepts herself, I acknowledged my (so-10-year ago) fears and let them go. Because cellulite, mini-muffin tops and all, I like myself.
Then, the next week, as I was explaining this story to a friend (while cracking up), I used the bathroom. And as I was pulling up my jeans, my second pair of the same pants ripped. This time, there was no fear. Only laughter. But now, I really needed new pants! These were over 3 years old, anyways.
If this whole scenario had happened to me 10+ years ago, it would have crushed me. Today, I can laugh about it because I’ve done so much work on my relationship with food, my body, and myself.
So how did I get here? But most importantly, how can YOU?
Here are 7 things to remember when you “feel fat.”
#1 It’s just a feeling.
Just like anything else, it’s so important to remember that you’re just experiencing a feeling. And this experience is a part of being a human being. You’re allowed to feel. Our array of emotions is, in fact, part of what makes us a living breathing being.
The thing is, most of us don’t allow ourselves to feel the “bad” feelings. We push them away. We ignore them. We bury them. And then they come out in weird ways – self-sabotage, overeating, over exercising, under exercising, partners who treat us poorly, drinking too much, smoking … the list could go on forever. But that’s not the point, the point is that when you “feel fat,” it’s a feeling that comes and goes. Honor it. Acknowledge it. Because in order to really deal, we’ve got to feel.
#2 It’s about how you want to feel.
If you think it’s more than just a feeling and you’re truly not happy with your body, it’s likely not because you “feel fat,” but because you’re not choosing actions that align with how you desire to feel.
For example, if you want to be healthy and happy and you never move your body, never stop to reflect why you’re doing what you’re doing, never practice gratitude for the things your body allows you to do, and you never choose foods that make you feel good (long-term), then you’re not going to feel great. And it’s NOT because of the size of your body, it’s because of how you’re treating your body. There is a huge difference here.
The best news? You have complete and total power to change this. Where will you start?
#3 Be honest with yourself.
Self-reflection and radical honesty are hard. Trust me, I get it. It’s much easier to blame others or life circumstances for why we are where we are. But by doing this, you’re not doing yourself any favors. Instead, you’re choosing to give your power away.
If this resonates with you at all, stop judging yourself and allow yourself to observe, so you can step back into your power and make changes where (and if) you need to.
And what you’ll find is that when you’re radically honest with yourself, you have such a lighter perspective. For example, I know that I don’t fit into pants from 10 years ago and that’s fine by me! Because I wasn’t treating my body as kindly then and I feel so much healthier, happier, and more grounded now. Radical honesty.
On the contrary, today, when I don’t feel so hot about my body, I look at movement and nutrition – and am honest with myself. Usually, when here, I find that I need more veggies in my diet and have been letting work or life override my workout schedule. When I realize this, I refuse to beat myself up. Instead, I honor the observation, make some changes, and begin adding what I need in. It can be that simple for you too. So give yourself a break, chill out, and have fun with this, but be honest with yourself and what you need.
#4 The number on the scale doesn’t equal love, happiness or peace.
This one is pretty self-explanatory, but I bring it up (always) because it’s a good reminder. Happiness is an inside thing. Period. Your weight won’t dictate your happiness. But what will help with your peace factor is how you treat your body. And how you feel.
It’s really not about the number on the scale – it’s about self-love + acceptance and choosing actions in all areas of your life that’ll help you live in that space.
#5 Use your loved ones in the best way possible.
Do me a favor and ask 3 key players in your life why they love and care about you. I 100% bet that no one on that list is going to say “because of your abs” or “because your butt looks good in those jeans.” They’re going to say things like, “because you make me laugh, you support me no matter what, you don’t make me feel judged.” They’re going to say things that come from within. Because that’s where real beauty stems from.
#6 Be weary of body bashing and how you talk with your friends (so important).
There’s a tendency for us women to bash our bodies when someone else in the group is doing so. It’s a natural human thing for us to want to say “me too!” and usually, I’m all for it. Relating is actually a sign of empathy. But here, it tends to only perpetuate negative body-bashing vibes, so watch for it and redirect the conversation.
Another thing to be cautious of is your reaction to your friends feeling insecure about themselves and/or their body. Because sometimes, if we’re feeling insecure too, instead of listening with compassion and understanding (and usually that’s all they really need), we begin to think that our bff couldn’t – or worse – shouldn’t feel that way because “she’s thin,” “she’s pretty,” “she’s smaller than me,” or “she has the perfect job,” … and the list could go on.
But she can feel this way. Because she’s a human being with feelings too.
What I’m saying is:
1.) Be conscience and redirect body bashing moments with friends because they serve no one.
2.) No matter our shape, size, status, or background we’re each entitled to feel our feelings. And everyone’s feelings are legit. Honor that.
#7 If the feeling still lingers, it generally means something in your life is out of alignment.
In a society where looks feel like they dominate, it’s easy to blame things on our weight. Or, get down on ourselves about our bodies. And while we all have good and bad days (again, you’re human!), if you always feel down about yourself, do a deep check-in with yourself about what’s going on in your life because there may be bigger life things to adjust.
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
:: If a genie could grant me 3 wishes, what would they be? (This question allows you to dream and see what you really want).
:: What things, beliefs, actions, thoughts, people, work, or projects do you need to let go of in your life to move forward?
:: What’s one thing you need to do more of in your life in order to feel like you’re moving in the right direction? And while you’re at it, what direction do you want to be going?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this hot topic below and one thing you do to keep yourself feeling good in your body.
Cheers to ripped pants:)
With so much love XXO,
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