I’ve literally spent years working on becoming comfortable speaking my truth. Telling a friend I didn’t like the way their actions made me feel. Voicing to a boyfriend that his comment really made me feel unwanted. Speaking up about frustrations at work with no sense of fear or concern – just raw, total, and utter honesty.
Is this something that comes naturally?
At least not for me.
It’s something I practice. Something I show up for. Because now that I’ve done it – I know there’s no going back to the me I was before. The me who was afraid to be seen. The me who wanted everyone to like her and think I was perfect and never be upset with me. The me who didn’t want to deal with any chaos because I had enough of that growing up. The me who was afraid to be truly seen because if I was the “real me,” I may not be loved or even liked… I wasn’t brave enough to handle all of that.
Now though I am.
And it’s beautiful. Scary at times – but beautiful.
So beautiful, in fact, that this is exactly what I want for you.
What I’ve found through my coaching and personal work is that we all want the same thing – to be seen, to be heard, and to feel important + loved and most importantly, to feel like we’re not alone.
When I lead my coaching groups, this desire for a sense of belonging, for community is what I see most. And when the awesome women in my coaching groups realize that there are other women who feel exactly like they do – their hearts soften + open and their shoulders drop with a deep sense of relief.
They’re reminded, as we all need to be that…
Some people aren’t really all that they “post” to be. That regardless of what you see online, everyone’s life isn’t full of always perfect moments. It’s just that those perfect moments are what we like to share. It makes us feel good – and that’s OK.
This deep understanding that you’re not alone – and nothing else – is a ginormous step in transformational growth.
And it gets me thinking.
We, as a culture, don’t openly talk about “our stuff.”
We typically, let it sit inside of us, weighing us down, preventing us from getting where we ultimately want to go because we’re afraid to have our true authentic selves be seen.
When we keep all of our doubts, fears, insecurities, worries and concerns inside, we can’t work through them. We can’t move beyond them.
To move beyond any of this stuff, we must be vulnerable. And we can’t be vulnerable, if we can’t be real. If we feel like we can’t open up. Or, even more simply, if we don’t have people or a person to open up to.
With demanding schedules, constant texting, and a lack of one-on-one real quality time, our need for real human interaction can become compromised. Making it hard to, in fact, open up. We’re more “connected,” yet at the same time we’re disconnected from one another on a soul level.
And if we’re not battling to A) Speak our truth; B) Make time for those real conversations; or C) To actually have people to speak our truth to; we’re D) Battling to step outside sarcasm and jokes to allow our true selves to be heard.
Think about it – how often is it that when you open up about your body or food issues, it’s done sarcastically, as a joke?
“Oh my god, I drank way too much wine last night, came home and ate half a pint of ice cream and the bag of Doritos in the cabinet! Can you believe it?! Like who does that!?”
This conversation will likely be preceded by the need to “work it off” or “go on a diet.”
You see, culturally, we typically don’t talk about what really needs to be talked about – the reason why it’s happening in the 1st place. The emotions beyond the actions. Because quite frankly, laughing it off is easier. Or maybe we’re just too afraid (or not ready) to go there.
And what I see is that if you don’t fall in the “laughing-it-off” category, you likely fall into the “criticizing-self” category. And once this wavelength of thinking has opened – so has the rabbit hole of body- bashing thoughts that only leads to feeling worse, eating to feel better, feeling like actions don’t matter, giving up – and repeat, repeat, repeat.
If there’s one huge thing my work has shown me it’s that you don’t need hours of cardio, guilt-induced restrictions, or another diet … most importantly – beyond anything else – you need to be REAL with a side of self-compassion.
Real with yourself. Your emotions. Your friends. Your needs. Your wants. Your true desires. Your goals. Your partners. Your life.
The realness will allow you to be vulnerable. To move past your shame. To realize you’re not alone. That you have people who love and support you – and the ones who don’t with your newfound wave of realness will rightfully so fade away – and that’s OK. That’s life.
I can verify that there is nothing more worthy than self-love and acceptance. But, we can’t have those things without being true to, first and foremost, ourselves.
So – I invite you – to start speaking your truth. To start getting real and choosing thoughts, actions, hobbies, jobs, words, and most importantly, people who allow you to do this. This is the truth that will take the weight off – in body, mind, soul, and spirit. You’re going to feel a whole lot lighter.
With so much love,
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