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3 Ways to Stop Feeling Shame About Your Weight and Body

A few weeks ago, I got married.

It was a beautiful day.

Even though I wasn’t the best bride in-planning (thank you, now husband!), I had a great time with lots of laughs and some very good stories.

A couple of those stories are that the back closure of my dress popped off and I broke a chair  – ha!

After the wedding, I was joking with a girlfriend that thank god my body image issues are behind me. If they weren’t, my breaking a chair and busting through my dress (!!) would’ve thrown me into a spiral of body shame …

And if this was 14 years ago, this shame spiral would’ve been followed by a good 2 hours of doing cardio in the gym and then – when alone – digging into a peanut butter jar with a knife, while keeping the refrigerator door open, as a beckoning to put the peanut butter jar back and not eat it until my stomach hurt…

Thankfully, the me I am today didn’t end up gorging on peanut butter with the fridge door open.

She ended up laughing about her broken dress and chair.


But, let me tell you, this carefree, I-like-myself and I-broke-a-chair-and-it’s-ok attitude isn’t something that happened overnight.

I consciously decided to cultivate this outlook everyday because quite frankly, I was over ending up alone with my open refrigerator door and peanut butter jar.

And even though I was never really alone – I even had a wonderful boyfriend at the time – if you don’t like yourself or your body, you feel shameful about your relationship with food, and you feel alone. You just do.

Because most guys don’t get it. Your fellow girlfriends are likely bashing themselves too (it’s how they unfortunately connect). And feeling ashamed and alone isn’t always the easiest dinner table or cocktail party conversation to randomly have.

Today, I’m writing to let you know that you’re not alone. You don’t need to be embarrassed. You CAN begin to change your relationship with food and your body.

But you need to open, in the right place, and ready to show up for yourself.

If that all sounds groovy, let’s begin, shall we?


Here are 3 things you can start doing ASAP to stop feeling shame about your weight and body and to instead, start understanding your weight and liking your body.



Yep, you read it right.

The only way to clear up the darkness beneath a rock is to lift up the rock and expose the muck beneath it, so the sun can come flooding in to dry it up.


Clear up the darkness by exposing it so the light can get in.

Here, our “darkness” is shame.

As scary as it may seem, recognizing and exposing the shame you have around food and your body to someone you trust (that someone can be yourself or your journal), will allow that shame to dry up.

If you “name your shame,” you’re looking at it and owning it. When you can do that, things get less scary.

You can then begin to really explore what made you feel embarrassment or shame.

Did shame all of a sudden come up or slowly grow from a friend’s comment? Or did you get triggered from someone on social media or from not being able to fit into that old pair of jeans? Or, was it because you didn’t get enough sleep last night, skipped breakfast and lunch and binged when you got home from work?

By naming your shame and then getting curious (not judgmental) about what set it off, you can then and only then begin to make the changes you need in your days to combat what’s causing your shame, such as:

:: Not taking things personally,

:: Distancing yourself from some of your “body-bashing” friends and eventually, finding new ones,

:: Unfollowing triggering folks on Instagram,

:: Getting to sleep earlier,

:: Packing something for breakfast and/or lunch the next day, or

:: Learning how to forgive yourself, let things go, and show back up again.

For me, naming my shame allowed me to take ownership of it and to accept it as a part of me that needed love too.

I could then do the things I needed to do for me, like stop buying celebrity tabloids and magazines and instead, start buying personal development books.

I also stopped following extreme fitness or clean-eating folks on social media, and I unfollowed women who just didn’t seem like they could be my friend.

Bottomline: When you can name your shame and explore it, you’ll find what you need to remove and add more of into your days and in turn, you’ll begin to shift your life.



Even though I want you to honor and name your shame, don’t hang out in that place for too long.

Because if you do, you may end up down a deep dark rabbit hole of body shame and all sorts of other crazy negative untrue thoughts may seep in that you don’t need in your mental space.

So yes, name your shame, but then get up and DO something that brings you joy.

Seriously. Anything.

Here is one of the most effective mantras for women in the current Ditch the Diet. Get MORE. class: Action is the antidote to overwhelm.

Showing that to get out of your head and into your heartspace, you need to actually DO  something that connects you with where you want to go and who you really are. (Not the person you’ve made up in your mind who thinks she’s not good enough or pretty enough because those are simply stories you tell yourself that feel true, but aren’t true. YOU ARE worthy of love, happiness, and taking care of yourself).

So, my love, … DO. Take action.

Call a friend.


Go to yoga.

Take a walk.

Dance in your living room.

Go on a hike.


Move your body.

Cook a healthy meal.

Look for a new job.

Take the class.

Write a thank you note (or email) to someone who has been a major player in your life but doesn’t know it.

Do something that makes you feel good.

It’s only in that space that you’re going to begin connecting with yourself, and when you do, you will want to take care of yourself.

“Taking care of yourself” means getting enough sleep, moving your body, creating boundaries, speaking to yourself like you would speak to someone you love, and realizing that you don’t need more restrictions and diets. You need more love, fun and filling up from the inside-out!



Honestly, I can’t tell you how important this one is.

As a kid (and into adulthood), I’d stare at Women’s Health, US Weekly, and Cosmo, thinking I just suck.

I don’t have 6-pack abs!

Wait …. how do you even get 6-pack abs?

And how do her thighs look like that?

When I saw someone in real life who looked like the woman on the magazine, it was even worse.

I’d think…

Oh, so this is possible – with no photoshop? {Sigh}. There’s something wrong with me.  

A couple decades later, in a place where I truly like myself, armed with the knowledge that of the hundreds of women I’ve worked with, not one has ever been fully comfortable with her body (even ones who look like they’ve been photoshopped). I understand I was never alone in my feelings and that we’re programmed to think we need to look a certain way.

But the thing is we don’t need to look any certain way. We need to take care of ourselves so we can do the things in our lives that we love the most the best.

When you really look around and see real bodies in all different stages and phases of life, you open yourself up to be able to see your body with more love and gratitude.

I’ll never forget, when I was in yoga class, this tall gorgeous brunette stood up in her spandex shorts, and I saw her cellulite around her thighs.

As odd as it sounds, I was thrilled because I have cellulite there too! And all I thought was there’s no right or wrong way to have a body … and I’m not alone.

You see, we’re born with our body. We don’t have a choice in how it looks.

But we have a choice in how we treat our bodies and what type of messaging we let into our worlds.

So if you’re still with me here, reading this, treat your body – and yourself – with some kindness, OK?

Because you can’t seriously change anything through a lens of hate, embarrassment or shame, but you can through love.

Sending you lots of it, xxo,


p.s. have some ah-ha moments? You’ll likely love Ditch the Diet. Get MORE. Click here to see:)