There are things we don’t even know that hold us back. They hold us back because we feel bad about them. Sometimes they hold us back because we feel bad about feeling bad about them … or even thinking them.
If you find yourself:
– Obsessing about a situation
– Thinking how things would be different if you just did this or that
– Feeling guilty or ashamed
– Beating yourself up or
– Beating yourself up about beating yourself up!
Read the below and start to forgive and let go.
Here are 7 things to forgive yourself for to feel good again
1. Not being where you think you should be
Erasing wherever you think you should be and focusing on where you are now, what you’re doing now, how you’re improving you and your life now is transformative. Removing the word “should” from your vocabulary is another thing that’ll change your world. There’s no such thing as “should,” even though you feel it a lot.
“Should” keeps you stuck in the past, feeling guilty and can prevent you from moving forward. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be—right now as you are. If it was any other way, you wouldn’t have learned all you have, grown into the beautiful person you are, and changed all the lives you already have. Start watching out for those “shoulds.”
2. Acting out of character
Did you totally lose it? Say something rude? Not follow through? At some point, you’re going to act less than 100% of your usual amazing, caring, kind, compassionate self. It’s OK. We’ve all been there. Let it go. Forgive yourself. Own your actions, apologize, and talk it out.
From this point, you’ve done your best. The other’s response isn’t up to you. But, 99.9% of the time when you’re talking from your heart and with compassion, all goes well and if not, that’s OK too. Some relationships just aren’t meant to be forever. We grow. We change. We evolve. Sometimes you just have to have faith. Trust the process.
3. Taking a Break
Breaks enable us to come back refreshed, with a clear mind, and feeling a renewed sense of self. Just like exercise, clean eating, journaling, self-care, and meditation are important for your wellness, so are breaks. Whether you need a break from the gym, journaling, keeping a food log, meditating, or a busy Saturday night—take it and enjoy it! The moment you start feeling stressed or overwhelmed about doing “good” things for yourself, it’s an eye-opener that somethings got to give.
I once had a client who desperately wanted a break from working out, but she felt like that’s not what she should be doing. We removed “should,” and she took a break for a good week. After her break, she was renewed. Honor your need for a break in whatever capacity that means for you. Your body and mind will thank you.
4. Comparing with a side of jealousy
This is one that makes us feel awful, but even more awful when we realize we’re doing it. Most likely, we’re comparing ourselves to people we know in our social circle—which never feels good. Instead of beating yourself up for feeling like this, look at your feelings objectively. What is it that makes you feel this way? What qualities do you admire about her? How can you channel some of that in your life?
We’ve all been here before, but when you realize the reality that no one’s life is ever perfect and that you can use this feeling as fuel for personal development, you’ll go much further.
Lastly, whatever you feel like you’re lacking—love, appreciation, friendship—bestow these things upon others. Initiate a date with a girlfriend, praise a colleague for their work, show your special someone you care with nice notes, an extra hug or reassuring words. We get what we give to the Universe, so start putting it out there. Soon enough, the comparing will subside.
5. Eating the chocolate, burger, or whatever food you think you “shouldn’t”
Depriving yourself of foods you want is setting yourself up to fail. The saying, “We want what we can’t have,” rings very true here. Food restrictions can lead to food obsessions, which usually lead to binges and then again, restrictions, obsessions, binges–a vicious cycle. The real problem here is that the food has power over you.
When you take back the power and focus on nourishing your body (instead of depriving it), your perception changes. If you really want something (I mean really want something), have a little. No food should have that much power of you. You have to live your life and thinking you’re not going to eat something forever, sets you up for a diet… and we all know those don’t work—or else there wouldn’t be a new one every other week. It’s less about the food here and more about changing your thoughts on how to make this work for the long term.
6. Not being ready
There’s nothing wrong about not being ready to move forward. It’s a good thing that you know you’re not ready, or else you’d just be spinning your wheels. Spend this time working through whatever you need to get through to move on. You can get some tools on how to do that HERE. Remember, being ready comes from within. You’ll know when it’s your time. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
There is no shame in failing or in struggling. This is where you grow, expand, and learn. Life is about experimenting and seeing what works. Some things will work and something won’t. It’s what you do when you realize they won’t work that counts. Goals are not win-lose; goals are win-learn.
One of my favorite quotes on failure: “No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s always had everything work out for them with zero struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don’t exist.” – Chris Hardwick
Cheers to failing!
I’d LOVE to hear from you! What do you do to move forward?