Have you ever felt like you’re not enough?
Or, that no one in your current circle understands what you’re trying to do?
Or, like you just want to throw in the towel, curl up under hundreds of fuzzy blankets, eat popcorn and Reese’s’ pieces, and watch mind-numbing TV, queue (don’t judge me) The Bachelor?
Maybe you’re even feeling some of that right now…
I know I’ve been in this place … more than once.
And if we’re honest with ourselves, I think we’ve all felt not enough at some point or another. It’s a part of being a human being.
But when you’re in this place, I want you to remember these little love nuggets below.
1. You matter
Yes, you matter. You are important. You have the ability to change others lives too. Don’t believe me? Go out there and do something nice for someone else. Send a thank you note or heartfelt email. Call a friend who you know is going through a hard time and provide some inspiration or an ear. Apologize to someone you need to apologize to. Surprise your partner, mentor, family member or bff with their favorite coffee, chocolates, flowers or a cute card. Buy the person’s coffee behind you in the coffee line. And see how they react. You’ll quickly discover how much of an impact you can have … and that you matter.
And as a side note, please know that you are a unique, deeply caring individual. I know this because you’re here, choosing to dig deep and do the inner work. Do you know how many people aren’t ready to go there? You are already steps ahead and when you believe in yourself enough and allow your fears to stop preventing you from doing whatever it is you need to do for you, you will uncover this (if you haven’t already).
2. You are going to have bad days
That’s simply just a fact of life – mushy, down, not-so-hot days. Be kind to yourself here and do the thing that brings you joy. For me, that’s fuzzy socks, hot cinnamon apple tea, an episode of This is Us, a call with a good girlfriend, a walk, and some writing.
3. You are more than your size or shape, number of followers, job, or if you have a ring on it
Even though we’re programmed to think these things bring us joy, they don’t. What actually brings us joy is choosing actions, people, thoughts, and foods that align with how it is we want to feel.
So when you become unclear about something in your life, pause and ask yourself:
Does this [fill in the blank] support how it is that I want to feel?
Let your answer guide you. And when you do this on repeat, you find more joy.
4. Things aren’t as shiny as they seem
What you see on the internet and on social media isn’t real. It’s what people want you to see. And that’s totally OK. Just know that you have no idea of the story behind the picture or the story behind anything really, until you talk it out. So my love, don’t assume. And if it really bothers you, use your words.
5. Speak your shame
The only way we can move through something we’re feeling guilty, bad, or embarrassed about is to share it with our trusted tribe – and please know that your trusted tribe can be one individual. Regardless, in expressing what is bothering you, you lift the rock that allows the light to begin to soak up the darkness. And here, you’ll most likely find: A) You’re not alone, B) That you matter, and C) Some relief.
Today, my past shame (working out for hours, crazily counting calories, binging on jars of peanut butter … and feeling like I’d never find love and being so incredibly embarrassed because the man I thought I’d marry dumped me like a hotcake and moved on and in with someone else) is the only way I can form genuine real authentic connections, run my business, and most importantly, actually help people.
You can do this too. Use your hard stuff to allow you to find more of the good stuff. It’s a mindset shift.
6. Understand real change takes time, there are no overnight successes
No matter what anyone tells you, all serious lasting change, healing, and growth takes time. Show up every day. Be kind to yourself. Even on your worst days. Believe. And keep going.
7. Just try your best
The only thing you can do is the best you can with where you are and what you know. I live by this and perhaps so can you. You simply can’t beat yourself up, if you tried your best, OK? Give yourself a break and instead show yourself some compassion and find lessons for next time and gratitude now. What did you learn? What did you appreciate?
Through this lens life gets easier.
8. You don’t need a yoga retreat, a spiritual guru or tons of cash in the bank to make change now
Yep. You don’t need to spend megabucks or go to Bali and mediate on a mountain for 2 months to see, make, and feel change now. Instead, you need reflection, you need to get honest with yourself and slowly begin to put things into practice. We move to the next level by doing. So DO! Action is the anti-dote to overwhelm. And it’s how we switch our energy from victim to empowered.
9. You’re not perfect, neither am I, as it should be
I plan to go my whole life learning and growing. Why? Because I’m not perfect and neither are you. So come at yourself with love (instead of frustration and disappointment). Because my dear, the beating yourself up isn’t getting you anywhere. Plus, perfection is an impossible task. So set yourself up for success by expecting the imperfect along with the “perfect.”
… And keep being you. That’s where the magic happens.