Growing up, I always wanted everyone to like me.
As a tween, before going to bed, I’d think about all my good friends – I had about 4 or 5 – and I’d go around quickly in my mind making sure “we were good.” Had I said anything to hurt their feelings? Did they sound happy to talk to me on the phone? Did my different opinion make them upset?
From a very young age, I feared speaking my opinion; honoring my truth; and voicing my feelings when the result could potentially be causing others pain or discomfort.
As I got older, I saw how this fear impacted my relationships. Relationships with family, friends, and romantic interests.
With family, I’d stifle my true feelings, needs, and thoughts (to not upset them). I’d then find myself living a relationship I felt wasn’t real real, or the kettle would boil over and the truth would come out in one hot ugly mess.
With friends, I’d brush off words that hurt, I’d let actions go that stung, and I’d give, give, give minus getting what I needed in return – all without saying a word. I’d justify it by making excuses for them or saying it didn’t really upset me that much.
With romantic relationships, I’d kick my truth under the rug, ignore words that hurt and carry on. Inevitably, the relationship would crash and burn.
By not speaking my truth, I felt not good enough, emotionally wounded, and like a victim. And when you feel powerless, you can’t operate at the level you need to do the things you need to live a healthy, happy, fulfilling life.
Ring a bell?
If you’re at all like the compassionate women I work with (or me), the practice of speaking your truth, voicing your feelings, creating clear boundaries, or standing up for yourself or something you believe in (although petrifying), allows you to feel content, healthy, and whole – in body, mind, and soul.
You feel authentic. You feel peace. You feel real. And there’s a pretty high chance you feel relief (covering up your feelings and pretending all is okay when it’s not … is exhausting). Most of all, you feel a sense of self-love and self-respect.
And when you feel self-love and self-respect, you take better care of yourself in all capacities. You don’t use food to stuff down your feelings. You don’t allow others (or more importantly, yourself) to evaluate your worth by the scale. You don’t equate beauty with love. You don’t feel trampled over. You don’t think you’re not worth it.
Instead, you express your needs, wants, thoughts, and desires. Your sense of deep connection (to yourself, others, and the Universe) overwhelms your sense of worth. You equate beauty with self-love and acceptance. You set boundaries. You believe you’re worth it – whatever that “it” may be for you.
Your truth probably feels super scary and it feels even more scary when you’re about to voice it (I know!), but the thing is, speaking your truth becomes less scary the more you do it.
Is it always easy? NO!! (in a big ol’ capital letters and exclamations!). At times, it’s still super hard for me to speak up – it’s an everyday practice!
But, what I always find (and what you will too) is that speaking my truth to someone makes us closer.
We connect to others, on a deeper level, by being willing to be vulnerable. By sharing our stories, dreams, faults, desires, mistakes. By being real.
No one has a perfect shiny life (even if they look like they do). Owning who you are is a monumental step in self-acceptance and a huge turn-on when making friends or new connections. Own your truth. Choose to see it through the eyes of love, compassion, and kindness.
Through knowing and sharing our truths, we’re also able to find guidance.
When you open up, you’ll be amazed at what organically comes your way – through others, your own self-discovery, and life.
If you’re having trouble working through or expressing your truths, no worries, my sweet friend! You may not be ready and that’s okay. So spend your time alone with your truth. Get to know it. Sit with it. Feel it. Examine it. Observe it. But, don’t judge it.
When we get comfortable with our truths (really comfortable); however much shame they hold for us, that’s when we can finally work through them.
We can move beyond them. We can then accept them, fully. And once we accept our truths fully, completely, and totally, it’s then (and only then) that we can change our relationship with our truth – move beyond it, accept it, change how we view it, let go of it, see it differently, voice it, love it…
Follow your heart, honor your intuition, and get comfortable with the uncomfortable of speaking your truth … and soon enough it won’t be uncomfortable. I know you can do it.
What’s your truth that needs to be heard??