A few years ago, the man I thought I’d marry, dumped me like a hot pancake.
One unexpected night, he shared the news with me at our kitchen table that he was no longer in love and the next morning he was gone.
I wouldn’t see him again until a month or so later when we overlapped briefly in our moving out schedules with a heartfelt, tear-felt “goodbye.”
I had thought I was (hands raised, pumping with joy in the air) forever done with dating.
After this scenario, that just wasn’t in the cards for me. I had more lessons to learn, more self-worth to grow, and more dates to go on.
Today, I’m engaged but let me tell you, there were many, many dates, many good cries, and many times I wanted to (and sometimes did, temporarily) throw in in the towel. This is totally normal by the way.
But as a coach who helps women find their “enough-ness,” a part-time matchmaker, and as someone who (as noted above) went through shattering heartache and over 100-plus dates (yikes!) and then found the one … I get that dating (and everything that comes along with it) isn’t always easy. But anything where you invest your heart and allow yourself to be vulnerable never is.
So when you feel like giving up on your romantic journey, I want you to remember these 5 things.
1. Take care of YOU
There’s a reason flight attendants always say to put your mask on first! If you can’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to help anyone else. Same is true in the dating world. When you’re in a good place, you radiate positive energy and that’s downright, super duper attractive. When you’re giving up the things you need to stay centered and balanced, so you can fit into someone else’s schedule you’re losing that confident, light energy that’s your super magnet. Plus, if things don’t work out, you just end up resentful and annoyed. So yes, make time for others, but don’t forego the things you need to feel like YOU. This will keep you dating from a good (instead of resentful) space.
2. Have zero expectations
Go into a date with the outlook of meeting someone new and interesting, period. Get curious. Get to know them. Be observant. This outlook makes dating so much easier, keeps you in a good mental state, and allows you to assess whether or not you actually like your date and what you’re really looking for. Dating is a process, a numbers game, and an experience. Lose the expectations, practice being a good date and conversationalist, and learn to have fun – even without the romantic chemistry. These are skills that will come in handy in any area of your life.
3. Be open
The more open you are, the more open love is to you. Sounds corny, I know, but when you take care of yourself, set expectations to zero and have fun with this whole process, you allow yourself to be open to let love in. And sometimes, love doesn’t actually look like how we imagined it. I can wholeheartedly tell you that I never would have imagined I’d be marrying my fiancé because he didn’t match the idea I had in my head of who I’d end up. Once I let that go, love came in.
4. Know there will be good & there will be bad
That my dear sweet friend is just how it goes, in anything in life, as you know. You will have times where you cry and you’ll have times when you feel defeated, but you’ll also have times where you laugh and laugh and feel on top of the world. That’s life. That’s love. That’s anything that’s really worth it. But when you internalize this, truly, and you expect this, it makes everything easier.
5. Your grass is greener where you water it
Keep in the back of your mind that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. BUT it is greener where you water it. In other words, being single can be hard, but relationships can be hard too. If you choose to focus on the positive and what you appreciate about your life and all that you have, that positive energy is going to radiate out into the world. And guess what? That positive, self-confident energy is downright alluring. You have the power to keep your energy light, warm-hearted, curious and fun – and that is the energy that will lock in a future mate. If you choose to focus on the good, the good is what will e-x-p-a-n-d in all areas of your life, including your romantic endeavors.
Cheers to love & hugs XXO
p.s. Dating & need some love & guidance? Check out Single & Sane: How to date with grace, not feel alone & attract your perfect partner. This course is for soul-full, heart-centered women looking for love.