A few months ago, I got married.
One of the things our wedding officiant declared during our wedding ceremony was, “Corinne has been with over 100 different guys ….”
Oh. My. God.
Did I really just hear that?
I could feel my insides burning…
If you were at the ceremony, you would’ve seen the look of shock and horror accompanied by an embarrassing wave of red slowly consume my entire face.
I couldn’t believe it.
Dating is a numbers game
Two days after the wedding, my grandmother called me, asking if I’d really “been with 100 different men?”
I reassuringly told her that, “No, Grandma. I have not been with 100 different men. I’ve been on many dates, but not with 100 different men.”
Dear lord, I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation with my 86-year-old grandmother!
During our intro meeting with our officiant, I jokingly said that dating is a numbers game, and I’d know because I’d been on like 100 different dates before dating Brian (my now husband), and I knew he was different.
Why in the world our wedding officiant thought this would be a good statistic to share during our wedding ceremony, in front of 200 people, I’ll never know.
But, I’ll tell you that today, this story makes me laugh.
What everyone (who’s dating) wants to know
It also helps me shine light on something, that you likely want to know, if you’re dating.
You see, the number one thing people always ask me to do, once they learn I do dating coaching and of my former matchmaking days (I mean, after they chuckle in disbelief that this job actually exists), is review their online dating profile.
So – what am I looking for?
Well, I’m looking to see if their dating profile is representative of who they are and if it’s set up so they’re meeting more of the type of person they actually want to be meeting.
Now, I don’t have all the answers (no one does), but here are some helpful recommendations to create an online dating profile that has you meeting more dates who would actually be a suitable match for you.
And who knows, you may meet your love before “being with 100” different dates:)
How to craft an online dating profile to attract your ideal partner + some tips
1. State what you’re looking for (so important!)
No matter how many characters you have available in your profile, write out what it is you’re looking for in love. And I don’t just mean check a box that says what you’re looking for (although do that too, if it’s there), I mean write it out, like, “I’m looking for real deal love,” or “ I’m looking for long-term love.”
This may sound simple, but so many women don’t do this because they’re afraid they’ll scare guys off and in reality, the right guy or the type of man you want to meet isn’t going to be scared of you being clear in what it is you’re looking for. In being so transparent, you’re actually helping yourself weed-out potential suitors who aren’t looking for what you’re looking for, and who most likely aren’t worth your time. Bottomline: don’t be afraid to speak (or write) your truth.
2. Ask a question at the end of your profile to make conversation easy
Most people, in real life, are pretty uncomfortable starting a conversation with a total stranger. As you’d imagine (or know), the same goes in the online dating world. Which is why there are so many lackluster online introductory dating messages that go unanswered or ignored. For me, the worst was always “How are you?”
Because I’d always say how I was … even if the answer wasn’t good. As I came to quickly learn, not everyone can handle that. So, I adjusted my strategy.
If you feel like writing an introductory message is hard or the conversation with someone you “like” is getting boring, ask them a “this or that” question.
You can pull things from their profile. For example, if they mention, they enjoy bike riding and vacationing on the beach, you could write, “A day of bike riding on your favorite trail OR a day of total laziness on the beach … and why? Go!”
I’d also suggest at the end of your profile asking a “this or that” question (think: mountains of chocolate or swedish fish?; a dinner party with close friends or a night out?; seeing your best friend for 15 minutes every week or one time per year for a whole day?). This way those who reach out to you or who you end up chatting with will have something to easily start a conversation with.
3. What are your core values – and how can you represent those in your photographs?
What values do you want to express? Now, how can you make those things apparent in your profile? For example, I love to walk and hike, so my dating profiles always had a nature photograph. A former client of mine is super goofy, so a care-free photo with a silly face was important for her to include.
Think about how you want to authentically represent yourself through your photographs and let the photographs of you (and not ones with all of your friends) shine.
4. Set up a time to chat before you meet in real life
This one is especially important if you’re running low on free time, and you’re getting to the near point of dating saturation. If there’s someone who you want to possibly meet and the conversation is going well, send a message that says something like this, “Hey, so I know we’re both super short on time. Want to set up a quick 15-minute call to chat and see if it’s worthwhile for us to meet in person?”
By doing this, you’re showing a couple of things. Number one, your confidence. You’re not afraid, if you two don’t hit it off. And you’re vulnerable enough to ask to set up a time to chat. It’s a beautiful balance of feminine and masculine energy.
Number two, you’re setting the stage for him to make the next move, while still keeping things light and fun.
Now, the real trick, whatever happens from here, remember that you’re collecting information. His response speed, communication style, follow-through, etc. Your (possible) dating experience with this individual (or any individual) begins before you two ever actually go on a date. Remember that!
5. Be honest
Lastly, be honest in your messages, and your profile. State your real age. If you have kids, write that in there too. Be transparent about who and what you’re looking for because you’re going to get what you give out into this world, especially when it comes to love. So give out honesty, because honesty is in the only place in which any relationship can begin and then continue blooming.