Join the newsletter

How to Get What You Need

How to Get What You Need


You want more.

Maybe you’re looking to:

– Be happier in your relationship
– Feel more appreciated in your friendships
– Do more fulfilling work
– End the negative self-talk
– Find more peace in your day
– Nourish yourself with real foods
– Move your body more
– Take time to breathe


Any of this ring a bell?

Whatever it is that you’re working towards right now, remember this one thing—communicating your needs is key.

Your life is vibrant. It’s complex.


Without asking for what you need of others, when they’re directly involved in the part of your life that you’re trying to change, it’s going to be pretty hard to move forward.


#1 A client of mine told a group of her girlfriends that when they engaged in body bashing she felt sad, insecure, and down on herself. She told them she needed to feel empowered, happy, and supported in her decision to work towards a more loving relationship with herself. She asked if her friends would be willing to engage with her in ending the negative self-talk and instead, focusing on each other’s strengths.

End result? Her friends joined her mission and instead of body bashing, they love bashed and lifted one another up-;)


#2 Another gal noticed that she was dining out all the time with coworkers for lunch, and it made her feel unhealthy. She told them she needed to bring lunch more and asked if anyone would be willing to join her.

End result? A few coworkers joined her and they ended up supporting one another in their wellness journeys.


#3 A beautiful woman realized she felt lonely and insecure in her relationship, if she didn’t have enough quality one-on-one time with her guy. She needed to feel connection, love, and support and asked if her partner would be willing to do two one-on-one “dates” per week.

End Result? The dates happened and their relationship strengthened, as did she. Plus, he took it steps forward and started leaving cute post-its, sending nice texts, and giving more compliments. He had no clue she felt that way.


The thing is, the special people in your life aren’t mind readers. 

Yes, even the ones you think know you so well.


It’s your job to communicate to your core people how they can help you move forward in your life.

This takes honesty, bravery, and the ability to handle feeling vulnerable.

This also requires really tuning-in to what YOU need to make your journey happen.

And not just tangible things you need—like a gym, journal, or a wellness coach.

Intangible things—like love, hugs, smiles, support, understanding, and someone eager and willing to listen.


This deep-rooted stuff is what makes our journey feel important to us—not the artificial outside stuff.

I’ve said it again and again, and I’ll say it again. I’ve seen plenty a miserable thin, rich or beautiful person…it’s not about all that outside stuff…

It’s about the inside.

And when we get what we need, the deep core-value stuff that lights up our soul—we excel. We propel forward. We fly. We envision the possible, and we go for it. We feel pretty gosh-darn good.


But, getting what you need starts with you.

It starts with you being able to recognize your needs, feelings, deep-rooted wants, and then being bold and brave enough to put them out there.

This can be scary, very scary—trust me, I know.

But, it’s worth it. It’s the only way to move forward.



Start moving forward and communicate your needs

Below is a step-by-step guide to help you express yourself. It’s based on the communication process called nonviolent communication.

You can use this for any situation—whether talking about matters of the heart, your professional life, or what you need in your wellness journey.


When expressing your needs to someone, explain the following:

1.) What do you see, hear or notice? Objective descriptions only. Remove evaluation and judgment.
2.) How does this observation make you feel?? No thoughts. Just feelings.
3.) What do you need? Love, support, empathy, challenge, rest, a sense of community, honesty, exercise, productivity, choice, freedom, challenge, peace? Really, think about it. What do you need?
4.) Express a request, i.e. “Would you be willing to?” Here, it’s key to ask, not demand. You’re looking for an action request here (as above) or a connection request, meaning you want to make sure the other person understands what you’re sharing. A connection request goes like this: “Would you be willing to share what you heard me say?”


How to Express Your Needs


Example of expressing your needs: I notice when we’re together and you’re on your phone, I feel frustrated, disappointed, and sad. I need more connection, respect and consideration. Would you be willing to be on your phone less when we’re together?


Communicating your needs may appear overwhelming, but it gets easier.

The language may also seem odd at first, but you’ll make it your own.

The important thing is simply getting comfortable expressing your thoughts, desires, and needs.

Because when your needs are met, you feel understood, inspired, relaxed, confident, engaged, hopeful, grateful, peaceful, and content.


You have the tools you need to move forward in your journey, and ultimately live a healthier, happier life.

It’s amazing what happens when you start being truly honest, vulnerable and open with the people who mean the most in your life. You’ll be surprised at just how deep your relationships will grow…and how much better you’ll feel.

With love,

What need will you communicate??