How to Stop Beating Yourself Up (about Food, Your Body, Dating & Anything Really) + The 3 C’s…

One of the things that used to be incredibly uncomfortable for me was writing my story online..

Who was I? Why did I do what I do? Who can I help? Why in the world does a Dietitian do food and body image coaching as well as date coaching?

I’d sit there – after taking online writing class after online business class – trying to “get it right.” Trying to explain myself…

During this time – when I was really trying to put myself “out there” – about 4 years back – I can remember sitting on the back porch of my quaint, newly rented home, as a newly-minted singleton.

It was here, in this space, that I realized there never was going to be a “right” way. There was only going to be a right way that felt true FOR ME. And my people, my tribe (YOU, if you’re reading this) would get me.

It then hit me that if I kept being so judgy about myself, I was never going to pick up any forward momentum in my business.

I needed to take my own coaching advice and start practicing observational instead of judgmental thoughts….

AND, I needed to come at myself with The 3 C’s – Compassion, Curiosity, and Connection.


Now… What do I mean by this? And why should you care?

Let me explain…

Whether you’re looking to stop body bashing, beating yourself up about your food choices, or declaring that it’s impossible for you to meet the right partner online (or really anywhere), using observational (instead of judgmental) thoughts can help.

I promise.

So… Let’s dive in… Shall we?


Here’s an example of a judgmental thought:

“I’m disgusting. Look at me in this dress. I can never get anything right. My body is flabby. I am a failure at everything I try – even trying to be kind to myself.”

Now, let’s turn this around into an empowering observational thought:

“I’m not feeling so great today in my body. And I’m not loving how this dress looks on me today, so let me change into something I feel good in. I’m also feeling a little insecure about how I look today. That is OK. I’ve been beating my body up for years, so I need to remember that being kind to myself all of sudden won’t happen overnight but that it is possible. Because look at this thought I’m already having! I also need to remember that I can NOT change anything from a place of self-loathing, especially myself.”


Do you see (and FEEL) the difference here? Let me share another example…


A judgmental thought:

“There’s got to be something seriously wrong with me. Everyone I know is either married or in a relationship, and I here I am, still on these dating apps, meeting weirdos and getting rejected. All the good ones are taken.”

Now, let’s turn this around into an empowering observational thought:

“I’m feeling sad and alone today. Most of my friends are in relationships, but not all, and they’re not all happy relationships, and truth be told, just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean you feel happy, supported or loved. There are lots of people out there. In fact, there are 7.6 billion people on Earth. When the time is right, I will meet the right person for me. For now, I need to heal and get myself back in my power, so I can attract the type of partner I actually want to be with.”


And one more example…


A judgmental thought:

“She is so much prettier, thinner, more successful, happier, further along than me …. {insert ANY compare and despair trigger here _________}.”

An observational thought:

“I’m feeling not good enough and insecure right now. I have NO idea of what her REAL life is like. I’m choosing to stay in my own lane and focus on what’s working for me and where I want to go in MY journey. There is a reason the saying “compare and despair” exists!”


See – you can literally shift your judgmental thoughts into observational, empowering ones at any point in time about anything, really.

A BIG huge important thing to notice about ALL of these observational examples?

They utilize The 3 C’s…


Here’s how you can use The 3 C’s too and why you should.


  • Exercise the art of self-compassion by pretending you’re talking to a friend, daughter or mentee – what would you say to them – if they had the exact same judgy thoughts that you were having about yourself? What would you want them to know? This is a powerful exercise to try… Give it a go. The same compassion you would show others, we need to have for ourselves.



  • Instead of beating yourself up, get curious about yourself, your feelings, and your actions. Why are you really feeling this way? What do you really need? Get to know yourself. Because when you get to know yourself and what you like and don’t, you get to caring for yourself… AND it’s in that space you see (and feel) a real shift.



  • This curiosity you have for yourself builds a connection with yourself. And it’s in this strengthening of your connection that you begin to trust your intuition. It’s in this connected space, that you’ll also begin making choices – like who you hang out with, what you read, how you move your body, what foods you choose to eat, when you need rest, and how you spend your free time – that are in alignment with the woman you’re choosing to become.


So the next time you find yourself beating yourself up – for any reason – please take those thoughts and turn them into observational ones.

And while you’re at it, use your 3 C’s. Compassion and curiosity go a long way in building a connection with yourself that we all so desperately crave and need.

And let me tell you, if I learned how to do this… You can too:) 

BIG love,