I used to do this thing. I’ve seen many friends do it too.
And in all truth, I still can be guilty of it.
So I have to catch myself and regroup.
What is this thing that I’m so curiously alluding to?
It’s asking everyone’s opinion and forgetting yours.
Here’s an example:
Once, before an evening out, I showed my family and husband two possible outfits. Out of the two outfits, outfit number two was the for-sure winner. But, I personally liked outfit number one best. Yet, I still decided to wear outfit number two because it was the clear-cut choice of the crowd.
You know what happened?
I felt uncomfortable most of the evening. Because of the choice I made to ignore my intuition (and what I really wanted to wear).
This may seem like a silly thing, but it’s not. Think about it. How many choices are you making from your heart versus what you think you should be doing? Or, because what other people think? Or may think?
Because these “silly things” actually add up to create our feelings. And our feelings create how we experience our lives. And when we’re ignoring what we really want to do because of what we think we should do or wear – or how we think we should act, be, or look – our lives don’t mirror who we really are. Or more importantly, the person we’re growing into.
And that type of life – where you ignore your intuition – just doesn’t feel good.
Here are a few more examples of what I’m talking about:
When a friend does something hurtful, and you poll all your other friends on how you should bring it up. And you address the issue how they see fit. Instead of how you see fit.
When you really want to eat the cookie, but instead of eating the cookie, you eat carrots and hummus. Because that’s what you think you should do. Plus, that’s what your new program says to do for a healthy nighttime snack. But then, a couple hours later, you eat the cookie you really wanted in the first place and then some…
Or, when you share your relationship concerns, needs, and fears – gathering advice on what to do- with everyone except the person you’re actually in the relationship with. Which is what you know you really need to do.
The truth is, you want your decisions coming from you.
Which may actually look like getting support and talking things out with someone first. But there’s a huge difference between getting support and talking things out with someone versus losing yourself amidst others’ noise and opinions.
So do me a favor – don’t lose yourself – OK?
To begin your being-true-to-you decision making, for the next personal decision you make, even if it’s a small one, take the time to actually think about what it is you need to do for YOU.
What is going to make you feel most aligned with the person you’re becoming?
Not what everyone else thinks you should be doing. Not what you feel you should do. Not “what worked for her.”
BUT what you actually want to do. What feels right to you, deep in your heart and soul.
Because the truth of the matter is, people love to be the expert of other people’s lives. But NO ONE knows what’s going on in your life or your relationships except you.
So yes, get support. Do what you need to do for you.
But at the end of the day (or during the day) take a moment to step back and see what actually feels right to YOU.
Because the more you do that, the more grounded and confident you’re going to feel in your life. And when you feel grounded and confident in your life, it’s pretty groovy to see how things shape up.
On that note, please know that you already have everything you need right there inside of you.
Now, it’s your job to get quiet, listen, and show up.
And you wanna know the really good news?
If the decision you make isn’t the best one, guess what?
You can make another decision.
But this time with more information. This time with more understanding. And this time with more self-compassion.
Because this is how the game goes. We are never-ending works in progress.
Lots of love,