Join the newsletter

The Blame Game: Do You Have it All Wrong?

I’m in the middle of recording my course, Ditch the Diet. Get MORE. And let me tell you, with two dogs randomly barking, a cat who likes to follow me around everywhere, a fiancé coming in and out, and with a microphone that picks up every little movement, sound, and flip of paper … recording is taking much longer than anticipated.

Every opportunity I get for use of a quiet office space or dogs being removed from the home (or walked!), I jump on it, like a spot in a hot yoga sculpt class just opened up.

During my recording “journey” yesterday, I talked about a really groovy concept I learned from Tony Robbins. In his Netflix documentary (you gotta see it), I am Not Your Guru, he pulls up a girl, who is struggling with her relationship with her father, and (basically) says that if you’re going to blame someone, you’ve got to blame them for the good too. You can’t just blame them for the bad.

Think about that for a second. Really think about it.

When I first heard this, it struck a strong cord. I thought and still think, it’s revolutionary and brilliant.

This concept – to blame for the good too – flips everything around, it’s like thinking it’s summer but realizing it’s actually winter! Revolutionary!

Why? Because to blame for the good too pushes you to find the light in the dark, so you don’t stay stuck in the heavy emotions of despair, anger, and shame that typically follow blame.


When I first heard this concept, I did some cross-checking in my own life and saw how every “dark” moment of blame, after all was said and felt, usually led to something great…

My mom’s calorie counting ways may have (partially) accounted for my dysfunctional relationship with food in my late teens and twenties, but it also pushed me to pursue my passion and to help other women heal their own relationship with food and their body.

I blamed my ex (ruthlessly) for betrayal and crushing my heart. But then I blamed him too for allowing me to discover a totally new wave of self-love and of knowing I’ll always be OK; for being brave enough to end something that was done; for helping me find my real love; and for putting me on the path to learn how to teach others to date from a place of worthiness. I’ll eventually make this into a course too … more good blame for him!

And finally, I blamed myself for not keeping in better touch with some friends and losing some relationships over the years. But then I blamed myself for gracefully learning to let it go and for not only understanding, but internalizing that that’s just a part of life – people come and go and it’s OK.


Do you see where I’m going with this?

Dear sweet friend, you can’t just blame yourself and others for the bad. You’ve got to blame them for the good too. Because both the good and the bad have shaped you into your beautiful uniqueness.

When you allow yourself to do this, you’ll find that every uncomfortable situation, every hard thing, and every unkind word pushed you to find your greatness and placed you on a path that was better for you. And ultimately, you’ll see that it allows for more space in your heart because you’ve finally learned to let it go.

Blame for the good too, my love. It makes everything that much easier.