I’ve been going to yoga just about every day for almost 3 years now.
I still can’t do a flying half moon pose … or lots of other poses for that matter.
And you know what?
It’s fine. I don’t really care.
But, I do care that I show up. That I try, have fun, connect with myself, and walk out of that room feeling less in my head space and more in my heart space.
You see, even being a yoga teacher, I’m still a student in every way possible and am still learning.
But – here’s the question – whether you’re into yoga or not – aren’t we all still students?
I’m going to take one for the team and say, ‘YES, yes we all are.’
So why don’t we allow ourselves to be?
So often I hear women in my personal and professional life thinking that they should have everything all figured out by now. That they should be further along in their career, in a different space in their love life at ‘this age,’ or that they should really have this ‘whole body image and food thing figured out by now…’
I see it another way. If you have doubts, fears, and insecurities around this stuff – to me – that means you’re fully living your life and showing up enough to get uncomfortable – which is a beautiful thing.
But, trust me, I get it always doesn’t feel like a ‘beautiful thing.’
So if you need some TLC and think you’re not where you “should be,” I want you to do these 3 very important things.
#1 Remove the word “should” from your vocabulary
There’s no such thing as where you “should be.” You are your own unique person with your own feelings, your own body, your own genetic makeup, your own environment, your own soul, your own lessons to learn, and your story is quite simply your story – it’s uniquely beautifully yours.
The only person who has the power to change your story is you. So if you feel like you personally “should” be somewhere else and more importantly, you want to be somewhere else, that’s one thing. And guess what? You can get there. I know because you’re here, so all you need to do is start.
But if you’re letting external factors like magazines or media or friends dictate how you think your body “should look,” or you’re comparing yourself to some woman’s success, relationship or life on Instagram that’s a whole other thing.
Why? Because you don’t know the intimate details of her life and if what’s portrayed is really real. And truth be told, it’s also none of your business. Your business is your path, and I promise if you listen to your heart and show up day after day after day (this is the part most of us skip) you’ll arrive right where you need to be.
#2 Allow yourself to be a student
Give yourself a break. You’re allowed to be a student. Ironically, we aren’t taught the things that generally matter the most to us – how to find love, how to eat mindfully, how to accept ourselves, or how to feel confident in our bodies – so why do we beat ourselves up for things we aren’t taught? Or, try once (or a few times) and give up?
Don’t beat yourself up. And instead of giving up, take a break. Or, maybe try a different path. One you actually want, instead of one you think you “should be” on.
And allow yourself to really, truly be a student – to mess up, to let it go, to try again, to stop being so black and white about things. Just because you ate a whole pizza, got rejected, or got called something mean doesn’t mean this is the end for you. This is simply the beginning for you to be a student. To dig deep, ask yourself why, experiment with your new findings, reflect and keep what’s working for you and leave what isn’t. The most important part? Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Be a student.
#3 Stop pushing and show yourself some compassion
If you show up on a date, thinking, ‘mmmm. Am I going to marry him? He’s cute! Does he like what I like? Wait, does he like me? I can’t tell yet… Is this guy really looking for something serious?? Let me see…”
Do you know what kind of energy that gives off?
It’s almost like showing up for a job interview, with these thoughts running through your mind, ‘Do they like me? Am I going to get this job? Will they hire me?? OMG I n-e-e-d this job! Please hire me!!!’
If those are the thoughts running through your mind, it’s 90% likely you’re coming off as insecure or unfocused (aka you’re going to feel like you’re stuck in your head to the other person, instead of confident and happy with who you are). And generally, that’s just not very attractive.
The same goes if you’re trying to feel healthier and happier in your body and you’re walking around telling yourself: ‘Who am I kidding? I can’t do this. This is just another attempt at losing weight and figuring out my food stuff and I’m going to fail. I always fail. I’m no good. I can’t even believe I’m trying again. What’s wrong with me??’
Do you have any idea of what this does to your subconscious?
It sends you in the polar opposite direction of where you want to go.
You can’t have lasting change come from a place of self-hate, doubt or insecurity, you just can’t.
So let’s start here – you’re amazing.
You’re also exactly where you need to be.
And instead of beating yourself up, try getting to know yourself and practicing some compassion.
Because if you’re still with me here, reading this, I know you’re a kind, caring, compassionate soul who is deserving of the best.
So do me a favor and treat that soul with some of your best, OK?