I’ve always had a problem creating healthy boundaries. My tendency is always to say YES.
These last couple of years I’ve worked to have that not be the case. To rewrite that script.
And luck have it, the other day, my story had the chance to be rewritten. And I realized (front, dead and center) one of the coolest lessons. So cool, in fact, I just had to share it with you.
So – the other day – a note popped up on my phone. An acquaintance, someone who I hadn’t spoken to in over two years, asked if they could stay with me in my home a couple of nights.
After reading it, I felt this weird mix of happiness and bother.
Happy because people feel comfortable enough that they can ask me something like this, but bothered because I was the type of boundaryless person who you could go that long without talking to and ask something like this.
It then hit me. I wasn’t bothered about the ask at all. This scenario was showing up in my life because there was still something for me to learn. I still needed to work on creating boundaries. I was upset with myself for still needing more work here.
You see, the groovy lesson I wanted to share with you is that the same situations will continue to show up in our lives until we truly learn what it is that we need to learn.
In fact, this exact situation happened to me a few years back, and I had said YES. When in my heart, I really wanted to say NO.
So here I was – in the same spot. Except this time, I wasn’t in the same emotional vibration.
This time, I was stronger. More in-tune. Clear on who I am, what I want, and able to speak my truth – and set boundaries.
I asked myself, “What did I need to learn now?”
I needed to truly learn (and see that I learned it) how to speak my truth, authentically, and create boundaries. I needed to see that I don’t need to give an explanation or create little white lies. A simple, “I’m sorry, unfortunately, I can’t,” works. No excuses needed. No white lies. Just the truth and speaking from a place that leaves me in a good space. So … I spoke my truth.
Constantly saying YES, when you mean NO is tiresome. Constantly seeing negative when there’s so much positive around is exhausting. Constantly choosing actions that you know won’t get you where you want to go, leaves you feeling empty.
So if you’re seeing a repeat of the same type of person in your life or situation, don’t get frustrated. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?”
Are you constantly calling in the same type of guy who’s not ready for a relationship?
Maybe you need to learn how to have an awesome relationship with yourself first.
Are your friends doing things that make you feel bad about yourself?
Maybe you need to learn how to speak your truth and set boundaries.
Are your coworkers always negative?
Maybe you need to learn to find more good in where you’re at right now, so you can get to where you want to go.
My point is there’s always, always something to learn and it’s not until we learn the lesson that we need most from the person who delivers it that we can move forward.
And you’ll know you’ve learned the lesson because when it shows up again, it won’t bother you. You’ll be able to move through it quickly and with grace. And the super cool thing? Your energy will get a lot brighter and shinier.
And we attract what we are – so that good energy will carry with you to attract more bright, shiny, happy people. And eventually, you’ll create your own little cocoon, where you blossom and thrive.
But (super important!) don’t get down when you’re out and about of your cocoon because it’s here that we grow the most. Remember, if everything was all unicorns and rainbows, you’d never expand. And a life without expansion is boring.
So have fun. Choose to see the people in your life, especially the most difficult ones, as your best teachers because they are.
They’re the ones who are going to help you get into your cocoon.