Can I share something with you?
Well, if you’re here (and I’m so happy you are), you kinda have no choice … So here it is…
I have a hard time trusting new people. Well, not every new person.
Only those who come in to help me with my business. This likely goes back to some underlying belief, but we won’t go there. For now, all you need to know is that I generally have some anxiety whenever I bring on someone new to help me.
For example, my web designer. She’s actually someone who has designed my program worksheets for the past 5 years, but only recently did I pass the baton to her, so she could take over designing and programming my site.
Deep down, in my core, I knew this was the right move. But – still – I was a little nervous. Nervous not of her (I adore her), just of the unknown, the new process of working together, and something different than what I was used to. In other words, I was nervous about how this new relationship would go.
But you know what?
It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
She does what she says she will do when she says she’ll do it. She’s there rooting me on. Plus, she makes my web visions become a reality.
Now – if you’re still with me here – you may be thinking – what does your web designer have to do with me learning how to trust my body?
I’m so glad you asked. It has to do with relationship building.
Let me explain…
You see, when we decide that we want to leave the dieting world behind and instead, eat what we want without guilt, enjoy food intuitively, and trust our bodies, it can be some scary stuff.
Allow me to clarify. The thought of trusting your body and honoring your hunger, fullness, and cravings isn’t scary. What feels scary is HOW you get to that body trusting, food freedom, liking-the-woman-in-the-mirror place.
Because when you’re used to scales, food rules, calorie-counting, meal plans, and the world of “fitspo,” removing those things can feel frightening simply because you’re used to them. In fact, you may even have second thoughts and feel like you – dare I say it – miss those things… It’s like that same mixed bag of emotions after you walk away from a not-so-great relationship. Even though you know walking away is what’s best for you, you still feel a bit sad, unsure, and fearful of what happens now? Maybe you even have some anxiety… just like I had when I left my previous web designer for my current one (AND when I made the conscious choice to give up dieting for good).
Here’s the big thing I want you to remember: When it comes to learning to trust (and feel good in) your body, you get to decide what type of relationship you want to have with your body. Is it going to be one of kindness, compassion, and acceptance or one of judgement, fear, and not good enoughs?
Because the truth is…
We can’t permanently change things – anything – when we come at them from a place of dislike or hate.
Again, let’s take a romantic relationship for example. If you wanted a happier, more fulfilling relationship with your partner, but everyday you spoke meanly to them, pushed them beyond their limits, and told them they weren’t good enough as they were … Do you think that relationship would blossom or disintegrate?
Well, my sweet friend, the same goes for your relationship with food, yourself, and your body.
If you want your relationship with your body to blossom, you’ve got to give it a reason to blossom.
As silly or basic as this may sound, how we begin trusting our body is realizing that we are in a relationship with our body. And relationships take time to start, grow, and nurture.
Here are 3 simple things to help you begin trusting your body (and yourself) more…
1.) Give yourself a break
Treating your body with compassion – when you’ve been in the opposite world of hating on and disliking your body – takes time, patience, and work. In fact, it’s a daily choice you make. So give yourself a break and please don’t think that this is an overnight process (that’s your old diet mentality talking!). Instead, show yourself some humanity and kindness, just like you would anyone else.
2.) Watch how you speak to yourself
Your words matter, and your heart, mind, body, and soul are listening to what you say. Try observing (not judging your thoughts). Discover how often you’re allowing your inner critic to get the best of you. Begin shutting this inner-critic down by asking yourself – Is this what you’d tell your daughter or best friend who was struggling with food and body stuff? Be honest and when you’re ready, begin training your brain to think about the qualities you actually appreciate about yourself. Please note: this is a practice and feels weird at first… but it’s worth it.
3.) Listen to your body
Want to begin trusting your body? Begin listening to it. It’s that simple, but when you haven’t been listening – really listening – it’s confusing of where to start. So, you start small. Ask yourself little questions – what do you want to eat? How do you feel like moving your body? Or, do you feel like resting? What do you really need right now? You see, when we’re not used to listening, honoring, and allowing, we’ve got to begin asking. Just like in any relationship, you start small and overtime, you delve deeper and deeper, which overtime, lends to more and more trust. Not just with your body, but with food and yourself. And all of a sudden, you’ll find yourself looking back thinking how much time you wasted waiting on the weight and how grateful you’re no longer in that place and that you’re where you are today.
But remember, it’s a process. Be kind to yourself along the way. I promise you that you’re exactly where you need to be.