What we tell ourselves shapes our outside world.
The problem is most of us aren’t really aware of the things we’re saying to ourselves until we start tuning-in. And then, it’s easy to get freaked out because the things we’re saying are usually pretty gosh-darn harsh.
So instead of thinking about what you need to be thinking and saying less, start thinking about what you need to be thinking and saying more.
Below you’ll find 11 powerful phrases that’ve helped hundreds of coaching clients and can help you too. More importantly, you’ll learn why they’re helpful.
The “whys” may surprise you…
1.) No, unfortunately, I can’t.
How often do you say YES when you really mean NO??? Seriously. Think about it. Not only does saying yes to something you don’t really want to do prevent you from doing more of the things you actually want to do – it makes you grumpy. And if you’re consistently doing this, your grumpy factor is going to grow. And that makes being healthy and happy that much harder. So make the time to sit down and look at everything you have on your plate that you don’t want to be doing. Then, muster up the courage to see how you can start turning these YES’ s into NOs.
2.) I didn’t make time for it
Does the phrase, “I didn’t have time,” ring a bell? It’s one of the most widely used group of words that I hear. Strong women rarely use these words. Instead, they’ll say, “I didn’t make time for it.” Compared to the first phrase (” I didn’t have time”), the phrase, “I didn’t make time for it,” shows that you own your time. You’re responsible for your actions.
In fact, you’re proud of what you’ve done. Because what you’re really saying is, “Nop, it wasn’t important enough to me, I didn’t make time for it. It was my choice and I own my actions.” “I didn’t have time,” on the other hand, is more of an excuse. Here, you’re not owning your actions. See the difference?
The next time you chose not to do something try saying, ” I didn’t make time for it,” and see the difference in how you feel.
3.) When you ____________ it makes me feel _________. Would you be willing to ______________?
Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs. When you do so in a compassionate, loving manner, it’s a signal that you know yourself well enough to ask for what it is you really need. The next time you find yourself frustrated, don’t let that anger bubble inside of you. Instead, try filling in the blanks here and communicate what it is you’re really looking for.
For example, “When you act out passive aggressively it makes me feel really small and I start to shut down. Would you be willing to talk to me 1:1 before you get so so we can work things out before you get upset?”
I promise you won’t regret speaking up for yourself and speaking from the heart.
4.) I’m feeling _____________. I don’t need answers, I just need someone to listen and to remind me that I’m not alone.
Strong women speak their feelings often. And when they really need someone to listen, help, or be there, they ask. Just because you’re strong doesn’t mean you never need help. If you’re willing to help others, let others help you. This collective understanding of humanity – that we’re not alone and we all need someone at times – is what allows us to practice empathy – the key to allowing a deep sense of connection to others. And it’s this deep sense of connection that allows you to feel more alive.
5.) Just because I haven’t done it yet, doesn’t mean I won’t.
Just because you haven’t done something YET doesn’t mean you won’t. You’ve needed everything in your path to be ready. Remember that there’s no such thing as too late, too old, too fat, too skinny, too sensitive and blah, blah, blah, blah. You’re in charge of you. You have full control of your reactions to everything around you.
You also have full control of your perspective. Do you choose kind and loving OR hurtful and shaming? It’s up to you and it starts in your mind. Even if you’ve tried and “failed” before, it doesn’t mean you won’t win and learn next time. And maybe it hasn’t happened yet because you weren’t ready for it. So just see. Put yourself out there. Show up. Play. Have fun. Stay inspired. And be kind. You’ve literally got nothing to lose. You can’t lose something you haven’t had before – you can only experience. Have some fun.
6.) I’m choosing to find the light in the dark
No matter how crappy the situation is, find the light in the dark – even if the light is very, very small. Once you find that one ray of light let it grow every day by continuing to find more rays. Eventually, the light will begin to crowd out the dark and your perspective will shift – and that’s what true happiness is all about.
7. ) I’m willing to play in the grey.
Just because you ate three slices of pizza with a side of french fries doesn’t mean that the entire rest of your food day is “blown” and a free for all. Just because one date was absolutely awful and he said horrible things, doesn’t mean all of your dates will be awful and say horrible things. Just because you totally messed up one presentation doesn’t mean they’ll all be messed up. Give yourself a break and stop looking at life in such black and white terms. We humans aren’t built for that. Get comfortable with playing in the grey. Because if you do, you’ll thrive.
8.) I appreciate _______ .
Research shows that people who practice gratitude are healthier physically and mentally. They also sleep better, have better self-esteem, and have more friendships and relationships. If you’re struggling with body love and self-love, every day make it a practice to write down one thing you’re thankful for about your body and thing you’re appreciative for in your life. Try to make them different every day. And yes, at first it may seem odd if you haven’t done this type of work before, but with practice it’ll get easier and you’ll eventually start to see the benefits – which is why they call it a practice.
9.) I’m doing the best I can with where I’m at with what I know right now.
How often do you remind yourself of this? If you’re like most of the women I’ve worked with, most likely never. Instead you dwell on all the things you’re not or where you messed up. And you let all of that “old” stuff bog you down. Ask yourself – is that really helping you? Most likely, not. But, I get it. We all need this reminder – including myself.
To help, write this phrase down (I’m doing the best I can with where I’m at with what I know right now) and pull out the note to calm yourself when needed. Or, use it as a mantra by inhaling to the count of 3, holding your breath for the count of 3, exhaling for the count of 3 and then saying,”I’m doing the best I can with where I’m at with what I know right now.” Repeat 3 times.
10.) I want to feel _______.
How do you want to feel? And what is it that you need to do to help get there?
These questions we rarely ask ourselves but they’re two questions that can cause massive change.
We often think of what we want to buy, where we want to go, what we want to accomplish, or what title we want. But, we rarely ever think of how we want to feel. Once you’re clear there you can start aligning your actions to match up to your desired feelings. And when you start doing this, you’ll feel the beautiful shift.
11.) I love ____________ about myself.
We’re not taught to give ourselves compliments. If we do, people think we may be arrogant or self-obsessed. But generally we’re anything but that. Instead, we use social media for outside approval, we use food, sex, or shopping to fill the void, we bash our bodies, we end up with partners who don’t appreciate us and make us feel bad, or we’re not kind to others because we can’t even be kind or compassionate towards ourselves.
The raw truth is that we can’t expect outside love, respect, or boundaries, if we don’t have love, respect, and boundaries for ourselves. We don’t need less love, instead we need way more (all around), especially for ourselves. So start thinking about it – what do you love about yourself? Yes, there is something. So pick something. And practice this daily. Eventually, when you love yourself enough you’ll begin to see the outer world reflecting your new inner world.
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now, I see it as self- loving.” – Kim McMillen
With so much love XXO,