In my late teens and early twenties, I was obsessed with counting calories. I didn’t even see food. I saw calories.
In other words, I was entirely focused on calories.
So calories were all I saw.
In my mid-twenties, I’d obsess whether or not the new guy I was dating liked me back.
Here, my focus was on someone else’s feelings (or lack of them) for me.
And since I was insecure and fearful of being alone, all I saw were signs that my new romantic interest just wasn’t that into me…
Why was I seeing these things?
Because they’re what I was focusing on.
You see, whatever you decide to focus on is all that you’re going to see.
If you’re focusing on how gross your thighs are in your new gym shorts or yoga pants, all you’re going to see is gross thighs… Trust me, I know.
If you’re focusing on how you’ll never be able to feel good in your body and get healthy, your brain is going to do everything to prove this to you. It’ll find every extra carb or gram of sugar you “shouldn’t have eaten” that day or the workout you didn’t do, and you’ll find yourself comparing your body to every thin happy looking woman’s body you see while scrolling through your Instagram feed.
The same happens in the world of love.
If your belief is that there are no good guys left out there, you’re going to find something wrong with everyone you date, or maybe no one to date at all.
Why do I tell you this?
Because your focus has a huge impact on how you view your body and food and your love life and honestly, how successful you are in each of these areas of your life.
And once you begin to change your focus for the better, you’ll begin to change your relationship with food, your body, and yourself for the better. It’ll change your love life for the better too.
So here’s how to start:
Decide what you want more of.
Do you want to feel comfortable in your body?
To not cringe every time you put a pair of jeans on because you feel like you’re “getting fat?”
Or maybe you want to feel loved?
And that you aren’t destined to sit on your couch – alone – eating takeout, binge watching seasons of Grace and Frankie forever?
Decide what it is you want more of.
And maybe it’s as simple as choosing a word you want more of.
And then, go throughout your days making that thing you want more of YOUR FOCUS.
If you want to feel comfortable in your body, focus on every time you make a powerful decision to help you do so (instead of every time you don’t).
Notice the walk you took, the healthy meal you cooked, your thighs that allow you to move, your decision to cry and journal instead of consume half a jar of peanut butter in front of the fridge.
If you want to feel love and like there’s someone out there for you (because there is), focus on the love you do have and appreciate the dates you go on.
Celebrate your friend, your grandmother, or your colleague who calls just to say, “Hi.” Have gratitude and (fun) for having a date (even if they’re not for you) and start doing fun things on your own. In other words, date yourself…. If you don’t have fun with you, you can’t expect anyone else to either.
Because, my love, the big secret is that you attract what you focus on.
And what you focus on, you will find.
So wouldn’t it make more sense to focus on the things you want … instead of the things you don’t want?
In the powerful words of Wayne Dyer: If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
You are more powerful than you think.
Change your focus and watch what happens XXO